Chapter 18
Shopping While Black
Turns out Ken, Max’s ex-brother-in-law, is very connected to the Hollywood political set – sort of an anti-war gigolo getting paid and put up by his Hollywood friends to keep on agitating and escorting. Currently sharing Rosie O’Donnell’s mansion with her, Ken looked more the part of a gigolo than a protester: Curly blond hair wound tight, about one inch long, with no discernible part; square jawed, broad shoulders, bulging biceps, a hunk of a man. Later, at a bar, Huck claims he overheard a woman remark about Ken, “God, I could get off in public looking at him!” Ken never talked much about the services he provided, just that occasionally he got hired to be someone’s escort at some fancy Hollywood event.
Ken thought maybe we could get some buy-in and publicity from the celebrity crowd for our Rumpkins idea – imitating the politics of colonial Virginia but on the internet instead of in a tavern. Sally contacted Pirate Jack who said he’d get his company to move on the idea of a test run of a first Rump “legislative” session. Skip contacted Jesse to get the Portland Pirate/Yang Gang to coordinate with Pirate Jack about how to do voting and have debates on line. Rocky, using his John Birch credentials, went in search of the local Libertarian Party to see if they had any interest in getting their platform into the discussion. Steve checked-in with the local Lawyers Guild chapter to see what political issues were hot.
Turns-out, no one was much interested in our Rumpkins organizing idea. We did read in the paper that California seceding from the union was a hot topic. The head of the Mexican-American Defense Fund was quoted, saying:
“Today, more Californians trace their roots to places south of the border than to the time of the Pilgrims. And we love being Americans, but if folks in D.C. keep saying we’re not wanted, well, that’s why the secessionist movement is so strong in California.”
We decided to propose the idea of California seceding from the Union as the focus for our test Rump session, and invited anyone looking at our blog to submit other ideas.
Meanwhile, Rocky, Huck and Huck’s local musician buddy organized a Thursday–through–Friday–night pub crawl for all of us and our L.A. friends. We put the “itinerary” on our blog site and brought the Land Yacht out of storage to make the rounds. Our Thursday stop was a daytime visit to a bar called Mom’s Place in Santa Monica, right by the beach, kind of a combination artsy – biker bar. Some of us checked out the beckoning beach under a blazing sun. Inside the bar, drinking margaritas, Patty’s Sacramento friend suggested, “Why not add graffiti art to the Land Yacht? You know, buy some removable paint – invite passers-by to do their thing. It will sure help the movie.”
A bit later, Patty called from the Nordstrom’s Department Store over on 2nd Street where she and her friend had driven the Land Yacht to buy some paint. “The cops have detained our friend and accused her of shoplifting! It’s a case of shopping while Black. Steve, you got to get over here – it’s just a four-block walk.”
Arriving on the scene Steve asked the cops if anybody was being arrested. Patty’s friend had shown the cop a receipt for all the Nordstrom’s merchandise, and the issue now was lack of a driver’s license. “Okay,” Steve said, “here’s my driver’s license. I’ll drive. Everybody, let’s go.”
“Not so fast, Bub,” one of the cops said. “You been drinking?”
“Officer, the answer is yes – one drink – but we’re done answering questions. You’ve got no right to detain us without probable cause a crime has been committed. I happen to be a lawyer.”
“That so? Well, you can shove that lawyer license up your ass. One drink, where?”
“Look Officer, no need for us to continue the conversation. You’re in the wrong on this. I told you, only one drink. There’s no shoplifting beef. It’s illegal and immoral to profile Blacks. If you think I’m drunk, arrest me as I drive away.”
The street was crowded with cars and buses and throngs of shoppers. Meanwhile, Patty had turned her camera on and the whole scene had attracted a dozen or more onlookers. “You can turn that fuckin’ camera off lady. Get out of here. Get out of Santa Monica. Every step you take, every bar you make, I’ll be following you.”
“Come on, let’s go,” Steve said.
“Not just yet,” Patty said. “Any onlookers want to comment on what you just saw?”
Patty’s friend started it off saying it’s not the first time she’s been accused of “shopping while Black.”
“Saw where they didn’t ask for citizenship papers,” a Mexican looking bystander remarked. “I’ve been asked for mine just because my name ends in ‘e-z’.”
Steve got on camera saying we were making a movie – a movie about journeying across the country – and how different the journey would be if we all happened to be Black instead of white. “Might as well be Black, what with that rig you’re travelin’ in, all hippied-up,” somebody in back shouted.
The itinerary on our blog had our last bar-hopping stop being Dirty Nick’s in East L.A. where Huck’s musician friends were playing. By now, our Nordstrom’s video had gone viral, and a flash mob thing developed. It seemed half of L.A. was following our blog to see when we’d get busted, or what we were going to do next. We were careful to have a designated driver.
Dirty Nick’s is in a shopping mall. By 10 p.m. all the stores were closed, just the bar open, but the parking lot was full of cars, and a bunch of honking started up as we pulled in. Some folks clamored to get on the bus, others wanted to help paint it, some just wanted to be movie stars. Once we had the Land Yacht locked, and managed to get inside, the place was packed and Patty had the camera on live-streaming. An older woman, saying her name was “Wenderful” got in front of Patty’s camera and told us about doing a strip tease with Bo Belinsky and Dean Chance (former Los Angeles Angels baseball pitchers – known for being playboy-types) on the top of Dirty Nick’s bar back in 1964, and then flashed her 75-year-old boobs for the camera. The crowd cheered for more. We decided it was time to go, but folks were definitely now following us.