Growing Up Then and Now

        What the world needs now is ErotiCare

Practicing varietism and being sort of a rake is OK if:

A)    The woman you are with has gotten fair warning you are not ready to make a commitment and your expectation is not to have a monogamous long-term relationship;

B)     The woman you are with espouses the same beliefs and expectations; and

C)     The relationship is foremost a human relationship based upon mutual respect and caring for each other’s feelings.

Otherwise the risk is too grave that the woman you are with will feel exploited.  This is an important lesson to learn, especially the C) part.  While I always thought I was being careful about A) and B) above, I learned the importance of C) the hard way.

Although an individual apology now to both Hannah and Annie may not be sufficient, I do want the women of the world who may be reading these stories (as well as the young men) to know how strongly I believe that it takes a real heel to treat women as just playthings to be gamed for sex and pleasure, how strongly I believe that women should have equal rights, deserve equal pay for equal work, and can be doctors, lawyers, scientists, engineers and presidents with no problem, and that any relationship needs to include caring and being considerate of each other’s emotional needs.

“Rake” – short for rakeheu in tavern scene from Hogarth’s “A Rake’s Progress”

Back in 1977 I truly believed that Hannah and Annie were living by the Bob Seeger creed “She used me; I used her; Neither one of cared; We were both getting our share.”  Hannah and Annie I apologize for hurting your feelings and not coming even close to providing a half share that one thoughtless night.

While I was going to law school out East I maintained a long-distance relationship with Annie.  We saw each other for a week or two in the summer (read “The Summer of ‘76”) and maybe a time or two during the rest of the year.  Although I could wax erotic about the great times, the great sex, our acting out of Richard Brautigan’s short stories in real life, I’m saving my and Annie’s exploits for my tongue-in-cheek essay “What the World Needs Now is ErotiCare.”

Meanwhile out East, at the same time, Hannah and I occasionally hooked-up.  But it was more than merely her liking the way I kissed and me loving glimpses of her decolletage, we also enjoyed doing things together in the company of our mutual friends.  Although her magnificent bosom was very much part of the attraction, I also liked her as a person – but I can see where sometimes the lines get blurry because men are more prone to enjoy the chase, the physicality of it all, while women are more wired to the emotional part of it all, the innate sense that all this includes the possibility for fatherhood and will-he-be-sticking-around-after-the-fun-is-over.

Tomorrow:  “Let’s Go to the Troc”

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Hitchhiking out of Montreal, however, was not fun.  After fruitlessly spending an hour trying to thumb a ride out of the city, we decided to take a city bus to the outskirts and hope for better luck there.  But no one on the bus wanted to speak English, or help us find our way to Canada’s Queen Highway to the west.  No better luck at the outskirts.  After waiting for hours, it’s nightfall and we still haven’t gotten our first ride of the day.   Cars only came by at great intervals.  Finally we said “OK, we’ll count 69 more cars passing by (which could take another hour) and if no ride then let’s go back to town and buy a train ticket to Thunder Bay” (the Canadian town just above Minnesota).

Believe it or not, the 69^th car came by in a pack of cars and the last car in the pack pulled over for us, a couple of guys heading to Ottawa.  Yea!  But Ottawa, Quebec after midnite, even on a Saturday night, is Nowheresville.  Finally a guy on the street tells us we need to walk a few blocks and cross the Gatineau River to get to Hull, Ontario (which is in a different province where the bars are allowed to stay open past midnite).  We find a bar, order two drinks at last call to help make it to dawn when – we have decided – we will buy train tickets to Thunder Bay and skip anymore hitchhiking in Canada.

After we left the bar we found an all-night restaurant where we ordered one appetizer at a time to make it to dawn.  We were so deep in conversation that we hadn’t noticed a couple sitting next to us when the lady said to us, “You two must be a Sagittarius and a Gemini?”

“No,” I said, “You must be an astrologer.”

Can you spot Sagittarius and Gemini?

“No,” she said, “but you two look just like you’re doing what we’re doing, and since we’re Sagittarius and Gemini, we thought you must be too.”   Well, it turns out we were of like minds and plans – only difference:  they were coming from the west and heading east on the train leaving the next day.  So we struck up a conversation that lasted until dawn.  Turns out both our trains were scheduled for early afternoon departures, so we had lots of time to kill.  They asked if we had any pot, but I said no because we were crossing borders but maybe we could score a bottle of wine to share.  “Ya think,” they said, “at six a.m. on a Sunday?”  Sure I said and rather quickly we encountered a wino on the street who said “Yah, I can get you a bottle but it’ll cost you five bucks.”  So I gave him the five bucks and when he disappeared into some apartment building our new friends doubted we’d ever see him again, nor any wine, nor the five bucks.  But lo and behold he came back with a bottle and we managed to convince him to bug-off after sharing a sip.

Tomorrow:  A Foursome?

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                 In God We Trust 

Being a Philadelphian with a Saint Paul girlfriend made for the best summer of my life in my first 26 years.  In Philadelphia we were celebrating the 200^th birthday of our Country with a “Bi-Centennial Without Colonies” national gathering of The Movement.  Annie was organizing two busloads of Minnesotans to ride all nite and arrive on the 4^th for the celebration/demonstration.  I got the local food co-op to cater a hot meal for every Minnesotan as they got off the bus.  Then Annie and I ducked out to our favorite trysting spot – the King & Queen Suite on the second-to-top floor of the Drake Hotel on Locust Street.  We knew a way to leap from the top floor balcony to the balcony just below, which in the past had a suite accessible and unoccupied.

Off to a good start

Our joy making love was unbounded.  She was recently divorced and ready for all sorts of fun.  I was gaining experience being totally uninhibited.  Our longing for each other was intense after months of only letter writing.  Each kiss sweet and lingering.  Each caress filled with ecstasy and anticipation.  The way she whispered in my ear brought near delirium.  We came as one.  Then back to the gathering in Fairmount Park and the march to the Liberty Bell.

Next day we had tickets for the inaugural flight of the very first Sea Plane from the Delaware River (by the Liberty Bell) to the East River (by the Statue of Liberty).  We were packed, including Trout Fishing in America (our favorite book to read together), and ready to hitchhike from there (NYC) back to Minnesota via the Olympics (in Montreal).

When we got to the harbor in Philadelphia we were surprised to find Rev. Carl MacIntyre with a bullhorn and two dozen protestors holding red, white and blue balloons.  He instructed, “When I say ‘Let Go the Balloons,’ let go of the balloons.”  Our 20-seater plane’s departure was delayed because one passenger was missing so we asked the balloon holders what was going on?  Well, Queen Elizabeth of England was shipping a gift to America for the Bi-Centennial and it was due to arrive in the harbor in a matter of minutes.  It was a replica Liberty Bell – only she had left off the inscription “In God We Trust,” necessitating the protest.  Just as the balloons were being let go, our missing passenger arrived (an elderly lady with a miniature toy poodle) and we took off for NYC.  Good material for a Richard Brautigan short story we thought.*

——-

*Or a joke:  This very particular guy designed a house that would take exactly 53,789 bricks to build.  When he finished there was one brick left, so he said, “Oh well, what’s one brick” and tossed it into the air.

Tomorrow:  Old McDonald’s Farm

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